What we value we care for. We exercise for our bodies; we follow routine maintenance procedures for our vehicles; we study and educate ourselves for school and work. What we value we care for. This weekend, to put care into our marriage we attended a conference entitled "The You In Us." Dr. Rick Marks from Jacksonville, FL has a passion for supporting and celebrating the marriage relationship. He was raised in a broken home by a controlling, angry father rich in material possessions but poor in relationships. Rick has made it his life's journey to nurture his own marriage and family and in the process leave a legacy of love completely distinct from his childhood experience. In addition he teaches others to identify and have faith in the possibilities that exist within their own relationships. Although the 200+ in attendance this weekend were primarily married couples (in all stages of marriage health), his wisdom was valuable to all relationships whether it be co-workers, children, siblings, parents, or spouses. We devote time to kids, work, hobbies yet often we neglect the "us." To keep us around requires humility and maturity.
For better or for worse, my brain likes to try to process and understand events and techniques whether related to Pilates, tennis, parenting, or relationships. For that reason I thank you for the opportunity to process a few of Dr. Marks' strategies to enhance relationships by sharing them on my blog.
1) Love has a tone to it...90% of the brain is reacting to your tone and body language. Only 7% is actually reacting to your words. What does your tone say to your spouse, your children, your friends?
2) We are physiologically wired to hear appreciation, encouragement, praise. When we hear these positive affirmations dopamine is released. Dopamine is a feel-good hormone. Give those you love, those you work with, those you interact with a shot of dopamine each day!
3) Our body also physiologically interprets negative language. Frequent criticism leads to a depletion in the hormone serotonin. Low serotonin levels correlate to clinical depression. The #1 reason for depression is cited as marriage problems. Serotonin levels are increased by laughing. Be able to laugh at yourself!
4) Mature people are willing to accept and consider possibilities for growth and change. Immature people do not want to look at their blind spots. A healthy "us" permits inquiry into those sensitive areas without taking offense.
5) To raise healthy, mature kids we need to be healthy mature adults. Dr. Marks' did not have an emotionally healthy father, however he did have the good fortune of having wise, compassionate, generous father figures placed in his life. These relationships increased his ability to parent as well as be a devoted spouse.
6) Think of relationships as a journey rather than work. If you were taking a trip around the world, you would pass through lush rain forests, mountain peaks, lowly valleys, and dry deserts. These experiences keep the journey interesting and allow us to grow. We only stay in the desert if we choose to get stuck there. In marriage we can stay in the "desert" or we can forgive and move forward.
7) Avoid the "what ifs," and the fears about tomorrow. Live fully in the present. Move into emotional adulthood.
8) Love is a skill that you get better as you practice loving.
9) There is no secret to a good relationship. What we value, we care for. When you care about the relationship you will be involved in it.
10) Love is not self-seeking or self absorbed, it is caring and unselfish. Love is not easily angered, love keeps us in self-control. Love keeps no record of wrongs, it forgives and let's go without a grudge. Love protects, takes care, and protects others. Love does not boast, it is modest. Love is not rude, love is mannerly and respectful. Love does not fail.
Richard and Louella Marks are the Founders of Connect Us 4 Life. They speak to youth groups as well as adults. I am grateful for the opportunity to hear Rick speak. He reminded me of the importance of always being an encouragement to others as he certainly was to us. Thank you for reading!
For more information, Dr. Marks website is www.marriageforlife.org
For better or for worse, my brain likes to try to process and understand events and techniques whether related to Pilates, tennis, parenting, or relationships. For that reason I thank you for the opportunity to process a few of Dr. Marks' strategies to enhance relationships by sharing them on my blog.
1) Love has a tone to it...90% of the brain is reacting to your tone and body language. Only 7% is actually reacting to your words. What does your tone say to your spouse, your children, your friends?
2) We are physiologically wired to hear appreciation, encouragement, praise. When we hear these positive affirmations dopamine is released. Dopamine is a feel-good hormone. Give those you love, those you work with, those you interact with a shot of dopamine each day!
3) Our body also physiologically interprets negative language. Frequent criticism leads to a depletion in the hormone serotonin. Low serotonin levels correlate to clinical depression. The #1 reason for depression is cited as marriage problems. Serotonin levels are increased by laughing. Be able to laugh at yourself!
4) Mature people are willing to accept and consider possibilities for growth and change. Immature people do not want to look at their blind spots. A healthy "us" permits inquiry into those sensitive areas without taking offense.
5) To raise healthy, mature kids we need to be healthy mature adults. Dr. Marks' did not have an emotionally healthy father, however he did have the good fortune of having wise, compassionate, generous father figures placed in his life. These relationships increased his ability to parent as well as be a devoted spouse.
6) Think of relationships as a journey rather than work. If you were taking a trip around the world, you would pass through lush rain forests, mountain peaks, lowly valleys, and dry deserts. These experiences keep the journey interesting and allow us to grow. We only stay in the desert if we choose to get stuck there. In marriage we can stay in the "desert" or we can forgive and move forward.
7) Avoid the "what ifs," and the fears about tomorrow. Live fully in the present. Move into emotional adulthood.
8) Love is a skill that you get better as you practice loving.
9) There is no secret to a good relationship. What we value, we care for. When you care about the relationship you will be involved in it.
10) Love is not self-seeking or self absorbed, it is caring and unselfish. Love is not easily angered, love keeps us in self-control. Love keeps no record of wrongs, it forgives and let's go without a grudge. Love protects, takes care, and protects others. Love does not boast, it is modest. Love is not rude, love is mannerly and respectful. Love does not fail.
Richard and Louella Marks are the Founders of Connect Us 4 Life. They speak to youth groups as well as adults. I am grateful for the opportunity to hear Rick speak. He reminded me of the importance of always being an encouragement to others as he certainly was to us. Thank you for reading!
For more information, Dr. Marks website is www.marriageforlife.org
RSS Feed