For some reason I always believed that once you were an adult all of life's mysteries would be solved. There would be no identity crisis, no conflict regarding right and wrong, friendships would all be harmonious, and somehow we would have all "arrived" in being who we are supposed to be. I am thankful I was wrong. Life would certainly be boring if there was not the anticipation of change, the challenge to meet goals, new relationships to inspire, and new skills to learn. It has probably taken me the past twenty years of adulthood to appreciate adults will never have all the answers and much like children we should relish learning new skills and take steps to make new friends and foster relationships. Personally, I find when I become stuck in a repetitive cycle of work, chores, and "duties" my thinking also becomes stuck and rather negative, i.e. "Is this all there is?" At my core I know that work, duties, and chores are actually good, in fact, one thing I have learned is exercising a sense of gratitude within my day to day activities elevates my life experience, in the words of Joseph Pilates, from the superficial to the intense. Much like Pilates or yoga, when we actively engage our mind and body we become much more aware of our internal connections and also to the connections of the world around us. Simple activities become less mundane and more profound.
These concepts became increasingly clear when I spoke with a friend and colleague who specializes in nutrition and biofeedback. I knew I had been struggling in the area of nutrition and was using it as a diversion from being more in tune with my own feelings. (scary to tune in to your feelings!:) My general tendency was to reach for graham crackers and a glass of milk whenever I had free time in order to ignore relevant issues in my life. Graham crackers and milk may not be a major nutritional offense, yet I knew it was becoming habitual. I admit my "issues" are minor but to disregard them is to essentially disregard your own being...your own value. So even if they rank low in the "Significant World Issues Poll," they still need attention. I was desperate enough to resolve this sense of discontentment that against all my frugal yearnings (another issue!) I purchased a hard-back book. This book has been useful in helping me process my meeting with Cheryl and challenges me to live in the moment, even when the moment is uncomfortable: Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. In the book, Roth states, "Whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, the bottom line is when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent and very, very short--even at a hundred years old--life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be exericse, surfing on the internet or talking on the phone." I think it is the last part of that paragraph that really struck a chord with me. When do I see myself "escaping" from an issue through a method that will never resolve the issue. If I need "comfort food" what is it that is making me uncomfortable? Food, work, exercise, Facebook...none of these things are bad but if they are being used to replace or mask uncomfortable feelings then their purpose is misdirected. Can I address an issue before creating a secondary issue. And I admit, sometimes when the issues involve marriage, relationships, work conflicts the temporary solution of mindless escape (graham crackers and milk) seems much more pleasing than the alternative but why should we be afraid to allow ourselves to feel sadness, pain, loneliness? Those are acceptable feelings and we are more "ourselves" when we allow ourselves to feel them. By acknowledging them we have a much greater capacity to move beyond them.
Taking ownership of those feelings and creating goals to move beyond them were two steps both Cheryl and Roth's book helped me to consider. The personal goals I created were: 1) Sit down at least three times a week with the family and have a balanced meal. (I know, seems obvious for a health zealot like myself) and 2) Clean out our freezer and replace the corn dogs and nuggets with better alternatives. (again, seems obvious!:) As a kid, my family routinely had a full pantry, freezer, and refrigerator and we often heard the mantra, "We're going to clean out what we have in the freezer before we go to the store." Certainly value in frugality but if our freezer has acquired a plethora of unhealthy selections perhaps it is in the greater interest of my family to start over from scratch. My hope would be to have less packaged and processed foods and be willing to grocery shop a bit more often in order to have the healthy foods available like salmon, fruits, and veges.
Anyhow, this is the tip of the iceberg in my own little quest of self-awareness at 39. Who knew it would take this long...but thank goodness I am alive to appreciate the process. Another thing to remember, it is valuable to talk to a friend about what you are feeling. The friend will not resolve the issue, they may make helpful suggestions, but typically you find you know the answer. It's the process of "talking it out" that creates clarity and leads to positive action. Thanks Cheryl!
Have a great Memorial Weekend. A special thank-you to all of our military for their dedication and commitment. They make our life grand.
P.S. A great friend shared his song list with me to help freshen up my IPOD. I play this one often.
These concepts became increasingly clear when I spoke with a friend and colleague who specializes in nutrition and biofeedback. I knew I had been struggling in the area of nutrition and was using it as a diversion from being more in tune with my own feelings. (scary to tune in to your feelings!:) My general tendency was to reach for graham crackers and a glass of milk whenever I had free time in order to ignore relevant issues in my life. Graham crackers and milk may not be a major nutritional offense, yet I knew it was becoming habitual. I admit my "issues" are minor but to disregard them is to essentially disregard your own being...your own value. So even if they rank low in the "Significant World Issues Poll," they still need attention. I was desperate enough to resolve this sense of discontentment that against all my frugal yearnings (another issue!) I purchased a hard-back book. This book has been useful in helping me process my meeting with Cheryl and challenges me to live in the moment, even when the moment is uncomfortable: Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. In the book, Roth states, "Whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, the bottom line is when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent and very, very short--even at a hundred years old--life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be exericse, surfing on the internet or talking on the phone." I think it is the last part of that paragraph that really struck a chord with me. When do I see myself "escaping" from an issue through a method that will never resolve the issue. If I need "comfort food" what is it that is making me uncomfortable? Food, work, exercise, Facebook...none of these things are bad but if they are being used to replace or mask uncomfortable feelings then their purpose is misdirected. Can I address an issue before creating a secondary issue. And I admit, sometimes when the issues involve marriage, relationships, work conflicts the temporary solution of mindless escape (graham crackers and milk) seems much more pleasing than the alternative but why should we be afraid to allow ourselves to feel sadness, pain, loneliness? Those are acceptable feelings and we are more "ourselves" when we allow ourselves to feel them. By acknowledging them we have a much greater capacity to move beyond them.
Taking ownership of those feelings and creating goals to move beyond them were two steps both Cheryl and Roth's book helped me to consider. The personal goals I created were: 1) Sit down at least three times a week with the family and have a balanced meal. (I know, seems obvious for a health zealot like myself) and 2) Clean out our freezer and replace the corn dogs and nuggets with better alternatives. (again, seems obvious!:) As a kid, my family routinely had a full pantry, freezer, and refrigerator and we often heard the mantra, "We're going to clean out what we have in the freezer before we go to the store." Certainly value in frugality but if our freezer has acquired a plethora of unhealthy selections perhaps it is in the greater interest of my family to start over from scratch. My hope would be to have less packaged and processed foods and be willing to grocery shop a bit more often in order to have the healthy foods available like salmon, fruits, and veges.
Anyhow, this is the tip of the iceberg in my own little quest of self-awareness at 39. Who knew it would take this long...but thank goodness I am alive to appreciate the process. Another thing to remember, it is valuable to talk to a friend about what you are feeling. The friend will not resolve the issue, they may make helpful suggestions, but typically you find you know the answer. It's the process of "talking it out" that creates clarity and leads to positive action. Thanks Cheryl!
Have a great Memorial Weekend. A special thank-you to all of our military for their dedication and commitment. They make our life grand.
P.S. A great friend shared his song list with me to help freshen up my IPOD. I play this one often.
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