Yesterday evening, at a little league game, I found a private space near the back of the diamond where I could watch Trey play without him noticing my presence. Although the team is 7-0, it was my first game of the season. I have to "warm-up" my nervous system. Baseball doesn't make me nervous but watching my kids in a competitive situation elevates my anxiety. Like most parents, I just want to see them successful but strangely enough I prefer they don't see me! No negative mojo from this mom...if they can't see me somehow the likelihood of crossing home plate is significantly increased. Weird, I know. Last year Trey struggled at the plate. The more his batting average regressed, the more negative commentary I heard in our "circle of trust." I winced and cringed about every circumstance and statistic involved in the game. Baseball is the optimal teaching tool of Chumbawamba's Tubthumping life lesson: " I get knocked down but I get up again, you're never going to keep me down." Do not be discouraged!
Early in the season I went with Ron and Trey to a local ball diamond. I was curious about why he seemed to lack confidence before even playing his first game. Ron pitched and I watched solid bat cracking action. Although the ball was not making it beyond the in-field he connected with the ball consistently. No whiffs like his mom! I saw great potential. My first thought is always about his vision, Trey is far-sighted. We took his glasses to the ball park and, in a well-controlled experiment, he hit better without the glasses thus eliminating my vision-fail hypothesis. Repeatedly Ron would tell him, "You're stepping back, you're stepping off the plate." Have you ever stood at the plate against a 100 pound 5th grader who has a strong arm but no control? It's frightening how many times these kids have been beamed between 2nd and 5th grade. To me his habitual reaction was understandable! But, if you drag your hips back you have no power, he was just swinging his arms. With all due respect, I also observed that Ron's patriarchal coaching style did not compliment Trey's needs in pre-season. ("Just because you say, 'With all due respect,' doesn't mean you can say whatever you want." Talladega Nights)
With Ron's blessing, I arranged for Trey to practice with a talented, local baseball coach. Billy Albrecht is an English teacher and West Bend West High School baseball coach. According to Ron, Coach Albrecht is one of the best athletes to ever graduate from West Bend. I took a notepad and became Trey's secretary recording wise words for technical baseball skills. What I regrettably did not record, was all the encouraging words Coach Albrecht offered too. Coach Albrecht is known for being a very disciplined, no-nonsense coach to teens but his approach with Trey was different. Good coaches always make adjustments for kids' personalities, ages, and experience. Coach read Trey's emotional needs as quickly as he did his technical ones. Coach began the practice kneeling to Trey's side, at just the right distance to toss a ball up and have Trey swing. (This is the position that the ordinary person...me... would likely have their head knocked silly by the bat...but Coach Albrecht is a pro!) Gradually, slowly he backed up about 5 ft continuing to feed baseballs in similar fashion until eventually he was at the pitcher's mound pitching 5th grade style fast balls. Trey continued to make strong contact just like he established at the beginning of the drill. They started counting how many balls made it to the outfield. They did not count strikes, they did not count in-field fly balls, they did not count fouls. Coach only counted what was right. Can you imagine having somebody count only what you do right, no harsh criticism with what is wrong? It was a refreshing observation.
Here are a few of the baseball tips I recorded:
*Hands by ears
*Elbows pointed to catcher
*Head still but nail it
*Back knee jam it into the ground; belly button rotates
*Loose front elbow
*Back elbow position optional but not down
*Closed front shoulder on swing (keep shoulder in)
*Back shoulder open and up
*Don't lunge at it, but wait for it...patience
* Rip it...keep shoulder in..if the ball goes off the edge of the bat it means your shoulder was too open
* Hip power
So I learned some things. I don't know baseball but I do know encouragement. Tell me what to do rather than what not to do. Positive reinforcement trumps negative reinforcement in most lab animals...I don't think we are much different.
*Hands by ears
*Elbows pointed to catcher
*Head still but nail it
*Back knee jam it into the ground; belly button rotates
*Loose front elbow
*Back elbow position optional but not down
*Closed front shoulder on swing (keep shoulder in)
*Back shoulder open and up
*Don't lunge at it, but wait for it...patience
* Rip it...keep shoulder in..if the ball goes off the edge of the bat it means your shoulder was too open
* Hip power
So I learned some things. I don't know baseball but I do know encouragement. Tell me what to do rather than what not to do. Positive reinforcement trumps negative reinforcement in most lab animals...I don't think we are much different.
So yesterday, I am hiding behind the shrubs near the batting cages and I observe a little boy and his dad approach the cages with their bat and bucket of balls. The boy is quiet, he appears no more than 55 pounds and 4 feet tall, athletic but very young, maybe 6 or 7 years old. The first thing I hear is a gruff, "Put your elbows down." I'm no expert but Coach Albrecht never instructed Trey to hit the ball with Pterodactyl, dinosaur arms. Once the little boy's elbows are glued to his sides his dad starts counting loudly..."Strike 1, strike 2, strike 3," all the way up until about 8 strikes in which I plugged my ears. I glanced to observe the pitches...meatballs...lobbed high over the plate where swinging a hatchet would greatly increase ones odds of making contact. I heard, "You haven't hit one yet; you're not trying; come on, swing at it." To my sensitive ears it seemed like a hailstorm of negativity and destruction. I can't imagine what it sounded like to the little boy. Fortunately, after about 15 minutes, a team arrived who had reserved the batting cage. The father/son duo left and began to practice throwing and catching with similar commentary.
As I left I wanted to hug the boy and tell him he looks great at the plate, tell him to keep practicing and he will be a fantastic ball player. I wanted to explain to the dad he has the power to build his son's self-esteem; he also has the power to destroy it. I wondered if he had any inkling about the effect of constant, negative criticism on a child's development. Did the dad know that we remember the negative much longer than positive? If a lab mouse is routinely zapped in its quest to find cheese it eventually stops searching, it gives up. I wanted to question why he was constantly zapping his son. I wanted to be nosy, forthright, and judicious in my dealings with the father and tell him to stop being a bully, stop the degradation, shame, humiliation and instead feed his son positive, helpful, encouraging words. If the dad did not have the skills to instruct the boy, then find somebody who does. At the same time however, the man was a mirror. As a parent I am certain I too have been observed functioning at an immature level as I "coach" my kids. Maybe I am the mom the you hear through the open car window shouting at her child. Maybe I am the parent scolding and criticizing; the one hissing at her kids to walk faster. Regardless of my level of guilt the man opened my eyes to my unfortunate potential. I said nothing, I walked away and today regret that I did not at least commend the little boy on his efforts.
As I left I wanted to hug the boy and tell him he looks great at the plate, tell him to keep practicing and he will be a fantastic ball player. I wanted to explain to the dad he has the power to build his son's self-esteem; he also has the power to destroy it. I wondered if he had any inkling about the effect of constant, negative criticism on a child's development. Did the dad know that we remember the negative much longer than positive? If a lab mouse is routinely zapped in its quest to find cheese it eventually stops searching, it gives up. I wanted to question why he was constantly zapping his son. I wanted to be nosy, forthright, and judicious in my dealings with the father and tell him to stop being a bully, stop the degradation, shame, humiliation and instead feed his son positive, helpful, encouraging words. If the dad did not have the skills to instruct the boy, then find somebody who does. At the same time however, the man was a mirror. As a parent I am certain I too have been observed functioning at an immature level as I "coach" my kids. Maybe I am the mom the you hear through the open car window shouting at her child. Maybe I am the parent scolding and criticizing; the one hissing at her kids to walk faster. Regardless of my level of guilt the man opened my eyes to my unfortunate potential. I said nothing, I walked away and today regret that I did not at least commend the little boy on his efforts.
Trey met two or three times with Coach Albrecht. He encouraged us to contact him if another tune-up and boost is needed during the season. Thus far he is hitting near 400 but most importantly his attitude and confidence is improved just from a couple of sessions with a coach who re-enforced the positive and gave specific directions to improve power. Coach Albrect shared via email, " Pros miss 7/10 times. Keep reminding Trey [and yourselves] that there is a lot of failure in baseball, so don't let him get down when things don't go well - it happens."
Life is like that.
Life is like that.
http://animoto.com/play/phUpIT3WTekuxIqjiiQRjQ
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for reading.
RSS Feed