Permitting children to take risks and make mistakes defies my maternal instincts. Yet the more independence and responsibility I give my children the better they learn to accept the consequences of their behaviors. They grow in confidence, intellectual reasoning, judgment, foresight but at the time I don't always see those values...my nature tends to simply see the danger. Taking a risk whether it be in business, athletics, fashion, or hobbies may cause some degree of discomfort; in hindsight it might even be called a mistake. A risk however may also result in significant reward, recognition, or success. How does a non-risk taking parent (seatbelts, helmets, SPF, cups, knee pads, wrist guards, and reflective clothing) keep their child from living in a cocoon? I'm not talking about climbing cliffs, parachuting, or hang-gliding...my children can assume those risks when they are adults if desired. I'm thinking more of the seasonal risks that every parent either approves, disapproves, or let's the child choose. Steep sledding hills versus the back yard slope, the Dells Lazy River versus the Tornado, tea-cups rather than tilt-a-whirls, walking rather than running, riding a horse or busting a mutton?
One afternoon in 2006 I took the kids to the local rodeo. Auburn was intrigued by the mutton riding event where kids from 5-8 years old are invited to try their hand at taming a mutton, essentially an entry level event for future bull riders. Auburn announced immediately she wanted to ride a mutton at the evening's show. I questioned her, warned her, cautioned her of all the risks but could not dissuade her desire. My brain feverishly inventoried all former rehab clients but I could not recall one mutton-related injury. Ultimately I decided this would be a decision Auburn would make for herself. I did not want her to grow up being fearful of new adventures nor did I want her to blame me for a less than gregarious nature. None of this "like mother like daughter!" Just because I wouldn't do it shouldn't quarantine her to a life of safety and protection at all costs. When we told her dad we were registered for the evening mutton ride event he was perplexed. He was unfamiliar with the sport but agreed if I was going to let her do it then it must be safe...because he knows my natural instincts! Once a witness to the first few mutton busters he decided his wife and daughter were complete strangers to him. How could I allow her to sign up for such an event? Where was his shy daughter, her responsible mother? Who in our family had sheep riding genes? How could she see every child in front of her fall to the ground within a few seconds of the pen opening and still elect to ride? It was a confusing time to all of us. Auburn was introverted by nature, something told me however I had to let her experience this challenge on her own terms--with or without parental consent!
One afternoon in 2006 I took the kids to the local rodeo. Auburn was intrigued by the mutton riding event where kids from 5-8 years old are invited to try their hand at taming a mutton, essentially an entry level event for future bull riders. Auburn announced immediately she wanted to ride a mutton at the evening's show. I questioned her, warned her, cautioned her of all the risks but could not dissuade her desire. My brain feverishly inventoried all former rehab clients but I could not recall one mutton-related injury. Ultimately I decided this would be a decision Auburn would make for herself. I did not want her to grow up being fearful of new adventures nor did I want her to blame me for a less than gregarious nature. None of this "like mother like daughter!" Just because I wouldn't do it shouldn't quarantine her to a life of safety and protection at all costs. When we told her dad we were registered for the evening mutton ride event he was perplexed. He was unfamiliar with the sport but agreed if I was going to let her do it then it must be safe...because he knows my natural instincts! Once a witness to the first few mutton busters he decided his wife and daughter were complete strangers to him. How could I allow her to sign up for such an event? Where was his shy daughter, her responsible mother? Who in our family had sheep riding genes? How could she see every child in front of her fall to the ground within a few seconds of the pen opening and still elect to ride? It was a confusing time to all of us. Auburn was introverted by nature, something told me however I had to let her experience this challenge on her own terms--with or without parental consent!
So with eyes like saucers and multiple opportunities to walk away Auburn boldly allowed the cowboy to hoist her on top of the mutton. The bullhorn announced her name and out of the pen she came holding on for dear life only long enough for the professional photographer to snap this picture. She is giving a bear-hug to the mutton (her head is obscured by the mutton's head) before the end of her 3-second ride.
Auburn picked herself up and dusted off to the roar of the crowd---most of whom I am sure were quietly muttering, "What kind of mom would ever let her child ride a mutton?" Auburn looked like she might be on the edge of tears but when greeted by the cowboy with her own stuffed toy mutton any pain was quickly replaced by pride at her accomplishment and her stuffed trophy. Her best friend Makayla showered her with support and never had her little brother been more impressed by his mutton-busting sister.
Auburn took a great horseback lesson yesterday. Sweet Talker is a Pinto mare, 15 years old, and a delight for beginner riders. She is well-trained to the slightest nudge, neck rein, or vocal cue and responds accordingly. Lisa, Auburn's trainer, patiently explained to Auburn how to direct Sweet Talker in a circle in the paddock. At times Auburn would give the horse "mixed signals," drawing back on the reins while nudging her with her heels to move forward or asking her to turn but forgetting to straighten her back into line. Sweet Talker was so forgiving---shaking her head gently in exasperation but willing to tolerate Auburn's novice experience. In addition Lisa was explaining to Auburn the body cues and signals she needed to let Sweet Talker know that Auburn was in charge of the horse. At the end of the paddock is a large hidden shelter built into the side of a hill/mound. In inclement weather the horses seek shelter in this dark, damp, cool barn. Lisa warned Auburn that if for any reason Sweet Talker were to make an effort to go into her home that Auburn should duck her head as the entry is quite low. After 45 minutes of indulging Auburn and obeying commands, Sweet Talker did decide it was time to go home. As Auburn was attempting a figure 8, Sweet Talker decided to make it a bee-line. Lesson concluded per Sweet Talker. She briskly started to trot as I hollered, "stop Auburn stop." Auburn was bouncing high out of the saddle so I changed my chant to "duck Auburn duck." And duck she did as Sweet Talker strolled into her humble earth dwelling of manure, hay and swallows' nests. I was ready to call it a day but clearly one cannot end a lesson on the animal's demands. I left the cave and Lisa calmly shared with Auburn the importance of maintaining control over your horse. Auburn was not upset or nervous...she seemed pretty relaxed, chilling with her mare in the cave.
On the way home, following our 2 hour intensive horsemanship experience, I asked Auburn what she felt when it seemed she had lost all control over Sweet Talker. "Mom, she said, I have to confess, in a way, it was exhilarating!" Not the answer I wanted to hear--what's exhilarating about being out of control? I don't want my kids to find that exhilarating. But, I suppose roller coasters, black diamond ski slopes, running a race, water slides, winning a tournament, accomplishing a goal, it is exhilarating. If less control leads to more exhilaration then maybe it's time to for me to take a lesson from my daughter and let go! I didn't tell her my feelings to her response, I just laughed and said I was glad she enjoyed the ride. When she asked if I feared for her safety I told her not too much.... if she rode a mutton at six she can ride a horse now.
Before Auburn took over the reins Lisa gave her some final instructions. I should mention, Lisa has lost 30 pounds this summer on her "Joyful Journey." Check out her blog at risenshineranch.weebly.com or refer to my previous posts about her wellness plan.
Reminders for good horsemanship mirror life....relax the reins, sit tall, pull in your stomach, change your tone of voice, give praise, be clear, plan ahead for your next move.
Thank you for reading!
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