(If you're looking for Pilates info please kindly scroll to the previous posts!) My intention for today's entry was an organized response to a few recent Facebook posts. Posts I had shared, posts that made me pause pertaining to men and women; boys and girls; sons and daughters... photographs, posing, internet, snapchats, morality, genders, objectifying, respecting, ...yadayadayada. Then I realized, it's far too complicated for me to dissect and interpret (as are most of the world's issues.) So instead, I began a personal scavenge into pictures, scrapbooks, cards and letters contained in a Rubbermaid bin. A time capsule buried in my storage closet. The dark, cluttered space that reveals how my family truly lives!
One of the "treasures" unearthed was this 1989 prom picture. A lesson for my daughter in extreme hair crimping. My cousin Donna from North Carolina commented that my 1989 prom picture was "hot" whereas all her childhood pictures were "dorky."
This is my cousin Donna...cameras love her as does her grand-daughter! Yes, she is a beautiful, youthful woman. Donna is a true Southern belle which explains why I rolled my eyes when she described her childhood pictures as "dorky." Nonetheless, I assured this photogenic goddess we all have our share of growing pains and fortuitously, our family and friends did not have the tech capability to capitalize on our vulnerability!
In my rummage of home-made scrapbooks I discovered pictures and letters to confirm that there were awkward moments in my life and yours! Yearly school pictures capture the blossoming of head-gear, braces, perms, and pimples. No mother has ever conceded to their child that a dork phase existed because moms are graced with a gift that sees beyond any perceived imperfection...the gift of love. My 12 year old daughter has asked more than once why I cut her hair in an adorable "bob" when she was five. She claims the pictures from that time-period to be ridiculous. I, of course, say she is and always has been beautiful. Loving yourself includes learning to love old school pictures...the ones with the braces, the ones with the plaid, the ones with the awkward smile, and the ones with the feathers and cowlick. They are all lovable! (at least to your mother!)
Then we move into dangerous territory....THOSE pictures! The ones Mrs. Hall did not want her teenage sons to observe for fear they would corrupt their minds. ( http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/. And yes, again I am grateful we did not have instantaneous high-speed photo sharing in 1989. These photos generate a giant question mark of, "What was I thinking? Was modesty not a personal value?" Evidently not, and to the best of my recollection I was thinking, "Fun...it's like a professional photo shoot with the Student Government Association!" I didn't feel particularly immoral. (Thanks friends, if we all do it then it doesn't feel wrong.) My parents however, staring from the kitchen window, were not impressed by my self-expression. Kindly they did not shame and guilt me to death as they knew I was perfectly capable of independent self-shaming. Maybe these photos were influenced by Salt N Pepa, MC Hammer, LL Cool J, or The J. Geils Band and their Centerfold hit? I can't be certain except to acknowledge it's not Miley Cyrus's fault! My pictorial demise was a personal choice. I claim all independent rights and responsibilities related to my waterfall tiger pose.
Oh well. Twenty plus years later it's still a bit mortifying...and trust me, there are some I just can't bring myself to share. But welcome to the human race. Fortunately for me I can stuff these unseen photos back into my storage tote and hide it behind kids' schoolwork, Ron's sports memorabilia, and holiday decorations. I still have contact with most of my fellow South Dade High School SGA "executives." We turned out ok in spite of the photo-shoot. Military pilots, doctors, business women and parents...the scandalous discoveries have affected my kids' development likely more than mine. Trey said he was "scarred for life." Probably time to call the school guidance counselor.
A few years later the creators of Seinfeld copied my sexy beast parody! Go George...you're a wild man! Preserving memories, whether in a Rubbermaid tote or an electronic device awards us with both treasured and shocking memories. I hope my kids will look back at their photo collages and like me, smile and perhaps wistfully wonder if given a second chance would they choose differently? I pray their choices don't cost them future success and I hope they have wholesome fun in their youth.
These pictures remind them that mom is different than she was in 1989....cellulite, gravity, and a couple of pregnancies have altered my photo-friendly responses and poses. Hopefully my behaviors have matured too. I can't blame unfortunate choices on lack of brain development like our kids. (In the words of Auburn's pediatrician, the frontal lobe, which is responsible for decision making, is not fully developed until about the age of 21 which is why even older kids need parental guidance--Miley Cyrus might have a legit excuse!) After 21 however poor behavior can no longer be blamed on an immature brain!
I still believe we have that same kid inside of us---our personality doesn't change even if our emotional maturity does. Bad perms, waterfalls, pool parties, and friendships...it's all in our storage space and our treasure chests. I am not perfect and the next time I feel tempted to judge an online photo, to cast stones, I might just need to venture deeper into my storage closet. I have not even scratched the surface of 1990!
These pictures remind them that mom is different than she was in 1989....cellulite, gravity, and a couple of pregnancies have altered my photo-friendly responses and poses. Hopefully my behaviors have matured too. I can't blame unfortunate choices on lack of brain development like our kids. (In the words of Auburn's pediatrician, the frontal lobe, which is responsible for decision making, is not fully developed until about the age of 21 which is why even older kids need parental guidance--Miley Cyrus might have a legit excuse!) After 21 however poor behavior can no longer be blamed on an immature brain!
I still believe we have that same kid inside of us---our personality doesn't change even if our emotional maturity does. Bad perms, waterfalls, pool parties, and friendships...it's all in our storage space and our treasure chests. I am not perfect and the next time I feel tempted to judge an online photo, to cast stones, I might just need to venture deeper into my storage closet. I have not even scratched the surface of 1990!
These two links are wise, insightful articles for adults to consider related to the constant availability of social media, building self-respect and character, as well as personal accountability. Gratefully, these authors, Nate Pyle and Marriage and Family therapist Kristen, generously share their educated thoughts with the world. There are some things worthy of high-speed, world wide sharing!
Thank you for reading!
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