Over the years I have tried to record Auburn and Trey's, "out of the mouth of babes," comments in a journal. Unfortunately, about 98% of the time I forget. As the kids get older, circumstances seem less funny too! I interpret my kids' behavior as more demanding and less playful. This demanding behavior, their effort to exert their independence, to have their voice heard can put me in a tailspin...an emotional cesspool of , "Where did I go wrong?" "Why don't they do what I ask?" "Why does everything seem to end with yelling?"
Recently, Trey, Ron and I were playing scrabble. Ron is a whiz at the game earning 30 points minimal each round. Competitive Trey finds it quite frustrating (like Crybaby Boobie in my previous post) and will beg to throw in the towel if a significant point spread exists. I, on the other hand, simply appreciate quality time. Win or lose the game I am absolutely grateful to be interacting appropriately rather than sitting in front of the tv or XBox. At one point in the evening an odd, obnoxious noise came from Trey's general direction. Ron and I glared at him and I encouraged him to say "excuse me." Trey, aghast, held his hands up and replied, "What....I'm in the middle of a close game...I'm a stress farter." I couldn't help but laugh and I asked him what ridiculous show taught him that line. He acknowledged it wasn't a show but rather my frequent reference to "stress eaters"....well he happens to be a stress-farter. If he makes me laugh, I will forgive him every-time. (For the record we were never allowed to say the "F" word as kids--"toot" would suffice. It was only until a decade later I realized my "F" word was not THE "F" word.)
Just as Trey is aware stress can induce noxious behaviors (and odors), I recognize the relationship as well following a few tween confrontations this weekend. One involved whether she could go to the skating rink at 7:30pm--answer no--and she had a delightful slumber party instead. The other involved whether she could take an action pen to school, shaped like a finger that when pulled, makes a tooting noise. I am beginning to see a theme in our family! This particular pen finger found it's way to our house after Trey and Ron went to his bank office to do the taxes. Evidently Ron has a desk drawer with all types of props. This particular one was mailed to him from a colleague as he knew Ron loves the "pull my finger" joke. Anyhow, I again said no, you can't take the pen to school as I thought it looked less like a finger and more like a phallic symbol! (Nobody ever prepared me for the kind of discussions that would be necessary at the middle school level.) Of course, during both conversations, Ron was conveniently unavailable to field the exasperated, "You never let me do anything," "You are too overprotective etc." In the end I listened to Auburn, she felt heard by me, and agreed that we made the correct decisions. In the interim however I wanted to devour a hot fudge sundae!
Being that I am on Day 4 of a 10 day detox, or as I like to call it, a "disciplined eating program" I am frightfully aware how often I want to rip apart a bag of chocolate chips, pour myself a glass of wine, or eat ice cream from the carton. Essentially everytime a family member disagrees with me I experience a craving to nosh. Eating is an illusion to appearing busy, an illusion of being engaged in meaningful activity. But of course it's not...it's simply avoiding the activity that should be taking place; in this case methodically working toward communication with children, tweens and adults. Fortunately I have learned through the years that acting on this eating instinct only creates more conflict and despair. Eating does not resolve the communication conflict but rather creates an unhealthy cycle of stress, sugar, craving, an emotional insulin roller coaster. Removing myself from the room, reading a book, doing yoga, playing tennis, exercising, or like I'm doing now, just writing it all down, are alternatives that improve my state of mind.
In fact, now I am laughing. I asked Auburn if she would take a picture with the funny finger prop for me to share on my blog and she was horrified. She actually asked that I tell the readers it was Trey that wanted to take the finger to school, that it was embarrassing to even think she suggested it. Once again, mom's decision was appropriate.
Recently, Trey, Ron and I were playing scrabble. Ron is a whiz at the game earning 30 points minimal each round. Competitive Trey finds it quite frustrating (like Crybaby Boobie in my previous post) and will beg to throw in the towel if a significant point spread exists. I, on the other hand, simply appreciate quality time. Win or lose the game I am absolutely grateful to be interacting appropriately rather than sitting in front of the tv or XBox. At one point in the evening an odd, obnoxious noise came from Trey's general direction. Ron and I glared at him and I encouraged him to say "excuse me." Trey, aghast, held his hands up and replied, "What....I'm in the middle of a close game...I'm a stress farter." I couldn't help but laugh and I asked him what ridiculous show taught him that line. He acknowledged it wasn't a show but rather my frequent reference to "stress eaters"....well he happens to be a stress-farter. If he makes me laugh, I will forgive him every-time. (For the record we were never allowed to say the "F" word as kids--"toot" would suffice. It was only until a decade later I realized my "F" word was not THE "F" word.)
Just as Trey is aware stress can induce noxious behaviors (and odors), I recognize the relationship as well following a few tween confrontations this weekend. One involved whether she could go to the skating rink at 7:30pm--answer no--and she had a delightful slumber party instead. The other involved whether she could take an action pen to school, shaped like a finger that when pulled, makes a tooting noise. I am beginning to see a theme in our family! This particular pen finger found it's way to our house after Trey and Ron went to his bank office to do the taxes. Evidently Ron has a desk drawer with all types of props. This particular one was mailed to him from a colleague as he knew Ron loves the "pull my finger" joke. Anyhow, I again said no, you can't take the pen to school as I thought it looked less like a finger and more like a phallic symbol! (Nobody ever prepared me for the kind of discussions that would be necessary at the middle school level.) Of course, during both conversations, Ron was conveniently unavailable to field the exasperated, "You never let me do anything," "You are too overprotective etc." In the end I listened to Auburn, she felt heard by me, and agreed that we made the correct decisions. In the interim however I wanted to devour a hot fudge sundae!
Being that I am on Day 4 of a 10 day detox, or as I like to call it, a "disciplined eating program" I am frightfully aware how often I want to rip apart a bag of chocolate chips, pour myself a glass of wine, or eat ice cream from the carton. Essentially everytime a family member disagrees with me I experience a craving to nosh. Eating is an illusion to appearing busy, an illusion of being engaged in meaningful activity. But of course it's not...it's simply avoiding the activity that should be taking place; in this case methodically working toward communication with children, tweens and adults. Fortunately I have learned through the years that acting on this eating instinct only creates more conflict and despair. Eating does not resolve the communication conflict but rather creates an unhealthy cycle of stress, sugar, craving, an emotional insulin roller coaster. Removing myself from the room, reading a book, doing yoga, playing tennis, exercising, or like I'm doing now, just writing it all down, are alternatives that improve my state of mind.
In fact, now I am laughing. I asked Auburn if she would take a picture with the funny finger prop for me to share on my blog and she was horrified. She actually asked that I tell the readers it was Trey that wanted to take the finger to school, that it was embarrassing to even think she suggested it. Once again, mom's decision was appropriate.
What all the fuss was about--a silly old pen finger. When Ron got home from dinner a few minutes ago I explained to him the earlier mother/daughter conflict. His opinion...let her take the finger to school. Guess I was wrong.
A few funny quotes from my Kids' Say the Darndest Things journal:
Ron: "Trey, you left a trail of Pringles in the basement like Hansel and Gretl"
Trey: "I know, I wanted to find my way back."
Mom: "Trey, those jeans look so good on you."
Trey: "Yes, they do wonders for my legs."
Mom: "Trey, you look tired...time for bed."
Trey: "I'm not tired, I just can't keep my eyes open."
Mom: "Melina is a pretty girl, don't you think?"
Trey: Yes, but she's not my type."
Mom: "What is your type?"
Trey: "Short people!"
And finally....to complete this unfortunate blog post...while playing tennis with Trey at the park:
Mom: "Sometimes you just have to go for it...just rip it."
Trey: "Yes, even if it smells awful."
Ron: "Trey, you left a trail of Pringles in the basement like Hansel and Gretl"
Trey: "I know, I wanted to find my way back."
Mom: "Trey, those jeans look so good on you."
Trey: "Yes, they do wonders for my legs."
Mom: "Trey, you look tired...time for bed."
Trey: "I'm not tired, I just can't keep my eyes open."
Mom: "Melina is a pretty girl, don't you think?"
Trey: Yes, but she's not my type."
Mom: "What is your type?"
Trey: "Short people!"
And finally....to complete this unfortunate blog post...while playing tennis with Trey at the park:
Mom: "Sometimes you just have to go for it...just rip it."
Trey: "Yes, even if it smells awful."
I have made peace with the finger...thank you for reading! Peace XO
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