How was your Thanksgiving? Anyone care to describe your traditions, meals, games, maybe even family squabbles?
We had none of the squabbles. We were too busy eating, watching football, and avoiding the 12 cousins running around like the original Pilgrims and Indians. Ron's cousin DeAnn opened her home to us. Ron has a great set of cousins who promote family and fun at home, in school and on the field. Their kids are generally respectful and well-behaved which often makes me second-guess my own efforts. It was refreshing to hear that things are not always as they appear and they too sometimes are in disbelief at the monumental effort necessary to train responsibility and appropriate behavior.
DeAnn's husband Joe shared his experience of trying to get his kids to eat healthy a day earlier using reverse psychology. His kids had been begging for candy so he finally said, "Take it, eat what you want," hoping they would realize gorging on the food was not going to be a good move for boys looking to excel in sports. It didn't matter--they ate a bunch of junk which made Joe even crazier. He actually went so far as to pull out a beer and said to his 3 boys, "if you're going to eat all that junk then why don't you just drink this." His boys looked shocked and said it was illegal and Joe tried to explain that their junk food binge is nearly as addictive and detrimental to their bodies. We chuckled at Joe's unusual and desperate parenting model...we feel quite certain he ultimately drowned his sorrows at his boys' choice to candy binge.
The course of our Thanksgiving conversation essentially led to the frustration parenting can present, particularly when kids' choices reflect so poorly on the parents as well. When a child puts his foot in his mouth by speaking disrespectfully, the parents experience the same guilt and shame. It was nice talking to Joe who is a high school teacher and expresses strong preferences on how children should behave. Like me, he is frustrated by messy rooms and whiny responses as to why they cannot participate in the family chores. And like me he will ask himself from time to time where is his parenting flawed? For myself personally it is my persistent monotone directions which rarely elicit a response that make me crazy.
I was embarrassed earlier this week, after teaching a few Y classes, I took Auburn to tennis lessons and thought I would use the ball machine as a special treat for Trey and myself. Trey likes to take his baseball glove to catch the tennis balls and I swing a little. Trey was dragging and I insisted he move quickly to pick up balls but he was in no hurry--simply day-dreaming. We walked over to see the ending to Auburn's game and Trey greeted a coach inappropriately. This made smoke come out of my ears. Trey fumbled around and said that his dad calls Trey the name all the time when they play; thus if dad laughs when he calls Trey a name then certainly the professional coach will find it funny...not. And neither did the professional mom or the aghast big sister. Which is why poor Trey had a rotten day vacuuming, cleaning, and going to be early.
A couple of years ago another favorite cousin of Ron's with 4 great kids thought it would be funny to teach Trey to say "knucklehead." It was fine if he was only calling Cousin Jay the knucklehead but pretty soon every new face at church, preschool, and the grocery store became a knucklehead. Boys learn something funny and they want to immediately apply the line to a variety of situations...indiscriminately, often when only mom is around to referee. We simply hold our breath until one day, unexpectedly, someone you admire and appreciate is insulted by an impulsive, talkative son that scarcely realizes the err in his way. Sometimes we present situations to them that are confusing. If a coach sportingly taps my son on his bottom and then my son runs and taps him back I will probably scold Trey for disrespecting his coach. Trey will be confused since it was the adult that initiated the exchange. Maybe the best thing is for me to simply disappear and let events transpire without my evil eye. Trey understood the err of his ways and today wrote me a book of the 10 Things I am Most Thankful for About My Mom....he is forgiven.
Raising kids is harder than my therapy work and certainly harder than fitness. Truly what we model as parents will be absorbed by kids and likely repeated in a less than suitable venue. I forever say things I regret and we know once they are out there they cannot be rescinded..you do your best to make them right. I struggle to let go of things I have said and wish I could take them back if they caused hurt or pain. I suppose being friends with forgiving and non-judgmental souls gives us the opportunity to take risks, even socially.
Thanksgiving....a time for family, for understanding, for graciousness and generosity, for forgiveness and appreciation. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being you, knucklehead!
We had none of the squabbles. We were too busy eating, watching football, and avoiding the 12 cousins running around like the original Pilgrims and Indians. Ron's cousin DeAnn opened her home to us. Ron has a great set of cousins who promote family and fun at home, in school and on the field. Their kids are generally respectful and well-behaved which often makes me second-guess my own efforts. It was refreshing to hear that things are not always as they appear and they too sometimes are in disbelief at the monumental effort necessary to train responsibility and appropriate behavior.
DeAnn's husband Joe shared his experience of trying to get his kids to eat healthy a day earlier using reverse psychology. His kids had been begging for candy so he finally said, "Take it, eat what you want," hoping they would realize gorging on the food was not going to be a good move for boys looking to excel in sports. It didn't matter--they ate a bunch of junk which made Joe even crazier. He actually went so far as to pull out a beer and said to his 3 boys, "if you're going to eat all that junk then why don't you just drink this." His boys looked shocked and said it was illegal and Joe tried to explain that their junk food binge is nearly as addictive and detrimental to their bodies. We chuckled at Joe's unusual and desperate parenting model...we feel quite certain he ultimately drowned his sorrows at his boys' choice to candy binge.
The course of our Thanksgiving conversation essentially led to the frustration parenting can present, particularly when kids' choices reflect so poorly on the parents as well. When a child puts his foot in his mouth by speaking disrespectfully, the parents experience the same guilt and shame. It was nice talking to Joe who is a high school teacher and expresses strong preferences on how children should behave. Like me, he is frustrated by messy rooms and whiny responses as to why they cannot participate in the family chores. And like me he will ask himself from time to time where is his parenting flawed? For myself personally it is my persistent monotone directions which rarely elicit a response that make me crazy.
I was embarrassed earlier this week, after teaching a few Y classes, I took Auburn to tennis lessons and thought I would use the ball machine as a special treat for Trey and myself. Trey likes to take his baseball glove to catch the tennis balls and I swing a little. Trey was dragging and I insisted he move quickly to pick up balls but he was in no hurry--simply day-dreaming. We walked over to see the ending to Auburn's game and Trey greeted a coach inappropriately. This made smoke come out of my ears. Trey fumbled around and said that his dad calls Trey the name all the time when they play; thus if dad laughs when he calls Trey a name then certainly the professional coach will find it funny...not. And neither did the professional mom or the aghast big sister. Which is why poor Trey had a rotten day vacuuming, cleaning, and going to be early.
A couple of years ago another favorite cousin of Ron's with 4 great kids thought it would be funny to teach Trey to say "knucklehead." It was fine if he was only calling Cousin Jay the knucklehead but pretty soon every new face at church, preschool, and the grocery store became a knucklehead. Boys learn something funny and they want to immediately apply the line to a variety of situations...indiscriminately, often when only mom is around to referee. We simply hold our breath until one day, unexpectedly, someone you admire and appreciate is insulted by an impulsive, talkative son that scarcely realizes the err in his way. Sometimes we present situations to them that are confusing. If a coach sportingly taps my son on his bottom and then my son runs and taps him back I will probably scold Trey for disrespecting his coach. Trey will be confused since it was the adult that initiated the exchange. Maybe the best thing is for me to simply disappear and let events transpire without my evil eye. Trey understood the err of his ways and today wrote me a book of the 10 Things I am Most Thankful for About My Mom....he is forgiven.
Raising kids is harder than my therapy work and certainly harder than fitness. Truly what we model as parents will be absorbed by kids and likely repeated in a less than suitable venue. I forever say things I regret and we know once they are out there they cannot be rescinded..you do your best to make them right. I struggle to let go of things I have said and wish I could take them back if they caused hurt or pain. I suppose being friends with forgiving and non-judgmental souls gives us the opportunity to take risks, even socially.
Thanksgiving....a time for family, for understanding, for graciousness and generosity, for forgiveness and appreciation. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being you, knucklehead!
RSS Feed